It’s been such a long time since I’ve posted. So I guess I better say hello. I’m Becca. I’m still inpatient at the same hospital. I’ve been here just over a year now. It’s weird looking back to my acute where I was being restrained and injected every day. That doesn’t happen here.
Things can be so tough. The new year for me is a very difficult time. I saw in the new year with a Pepsi max sat in my room. I really didn’t want to see in the new year. As things slipped I lost things- home leave was taken away. My bedroom door was locked. And then they started me on clozapine. I’ll be honest, when my consultant prescribed it was terrified. It’s one of those drugs that seems so frightening and hard. But I’ve been on it for a while now and apart from knocking me out it’s not been too bad. Maybe it even has helped my nighttime sleep!
But as I write this I am unescorted in the car park- for only the third time I’ve been outside on my own in nearly 18months. And I’m counting down the hours until I go home tomorrow. It’s hard, inside feels such a struggle and unmanageable, sometimes I don’t think I’m going to be free of my past and my illness. Often I feel hopeless, but even then my family, my friends and my boyfriend help carry hope for me.
Thank you all for sticking by me, for reading my blog. I love writing my blog it’s just so restricted here.